Wednesday, April 20, 2011

The Other Aspects of What Really Are, But Are Ignored

People often take things at face value and ignore the other aspects of something. One of my goals isn't always to "make people think something". Rather, I intend to "show you the way I think" because I believe there's an importance to it.

There are things in the world that exist but are ignored. To give ya'll a few examples, if I were to ask most people what a magnet does, they would tell me that "It attracts". But they're ignoring the aspects of it that are neutral and also push away.

If I were to ask you how many sides there is to a coin, I'm pretty sure that mostly everyone would tell me "Two sides. Heads and Tails." Wrong. There's three sides to every coin. One side, and the other, which, ok sure, are often heads and tails. But people forget the third side of a coin, and that's the edges.

Reoccurring Dreams

It was I think around last month. I had a horrible nightmare that when I looked up in the sky, the moon was a lot closer to Earth. It kept getting closer and closer to Earth.  The closer it got to Earth the faster it came at us. It was the creepiest thing I'd ever seen. It eventually crashed down into the Earth right on top of me.

When I woke up, later that day I found out from someone that later that week, that the moon would be closer to the Earth than it ever would be in I forget how long. Although on that night, when I looked up at the moon, it didn't actually look much closer, but it did look a LOT brighter.

Sometime within the past week or so, I had a dream that it was December 21st, 2012, and all the planets were aligned - not exactly as like a straight line, but, I saw the moon in the sky and it looked a bit bigger, and Venus was kind of lower than the moon, to the right. I saw Mars in the sky to the left, a little above it. It started to come at the Earth a lot faster. This one felt even worse than the moon dream.

Luckily, afterwards, I did have one of my reoccuring flying dream again. Every single time I have them they feel physically real, and each time I fully believe that it's not a dream like all the other times, and that each time it's actually happening. The way it works, is, I'm flapping either my arms like wings, or my Archangels wings, as I'm running, then I take a leap into the air, and then I can fly. Sometimes it's almost as if I'm given a challenge in some way and it becomes harder for me to fly and I'm not able to fly very high, nor fly for very long. However, what it always does is strengthen my wings, so that I can eventually in the dream fly higher and longer. My whole life, I've always believed that one day I'd actually be able to fly like that.

The First Time Tothian Saved a Life

It was January, 1996, I was just 10 years old. A bunch of kids in my town were being stupid but having fun playing in the creek and the water was frozen over when there was a lot of snow outside. The ice cracked and some girl I knew had fallen in, and immediately without thought or hesitation, I jumped in after her, and got her out. She was fine, and I was thankful for that.

As for me, my body didn't handle it too well. Actually, I got really sick and caught a pneumonia and was out of school for like over a week, maybe two but it was probably just a little more than a week.

When I kinda sorta mostly healed and back at my school again, the teacher was asking me about what happened, the incident where the girl saved me and where I got sick.

I'm like, "Wait, what?" Then the girl I saved had confessed to the teacher that she lied, and that it was really me who saved her. So the whole week or two I was away, getting sick after saving her, everyone thought that she saved ME. But, the truth did then present itself though.

And in case you're wondering, I have no regrets about this.

Contact With The Other Side

It was in late July, 2004, when I was hanging out with my grandmother at her place, she was dying of cancer and we were playing poker as we always liked to do, unfortunately this was the last time we got to do that, and also our last conversation, on earth that is. I could empathically feel that her spirit was slowly starting to separate from her body, it was almost as if my spirit could see it. Anyway, she told me that she didnt think she was gonna be around too much longer, and even how sometimes she would see my grandfather's spirit sometimes. He had died about 8 yrs prior to then, maybe even to the day. Anyway, i told her to visit me after she died, but not to be creepy about it. She laughed (because we got along well since we could always be honest with each other and make fun of each other like that) and she said okay. A few weeks later she died while I was training with my Marine reserve unit that weekend, I didnt even get to find out until the next day after i had been on my way home.

We didnt even have a regular funeral for her. Just me and my dad were there burying her ashes over my grandfather's grave, I'm the one who put her in the grave and buried her myself. And we had a memorial service like a month later. Anyway... it was at least a few times a week i would see her in my dreams. I could always tell it was really her, because of how realistic it always felt, each time. Theres some things in life you just know. Anyway, a few months later, I had a dream i was 5 yrs old again, I ran outside and saw both my grandparents, they had their old car but it looked new again. I got in the backseat while my grandfather drove and my grandmother was in the passenger seat. This is probably the only dream i ever remember having that was so clear and so bright, I felt the happiest, calmest, most peaceful and joyous feeling I had ever felt, it was also so liberating to be that young again and I was so happy to see my grandparents again! I dont remember how that dream ended exactly, but...

After I woke up & I saw my mom I said "You're never gonna believe the dream I had last night!" she looked at me so shocked & amazed, & said "You're never gonna believe mine!" so she told me her dream first. In her dream, I was 5 years old, & my grandmother called her up on the phone & told her that her & my grandfather had gotten a new car & that they were coming over to pick me up. I got chills when she told me that. It was proof enough for me that it was an actual visit & not just a dream, & it also proved to her that all those dreams i was telling her about back then which had been happening at least a few times a week for about a few months, had actually been real, not just me having regular dreams, & not just making things up, neither. About a week or two later, I saw my grandmother again , this time in this clouded scenery and possibly heaven's gates in the background, I specifically remember clearly seeing her face & clearly hearing her voice.

She told me that it was the last time that she would be able to visit me like that. I remembered feeling really sad, but we hugged one more time, I had tears in my eyes and she said not to worry because we would see each other again someday.... Then we waved goodbye to each other and then I woke up, with tears in my eyes. I never saw her again in a dream after that. I did have dreams OF her, BUT it wasnt HER, those didnt look nor feel real they only felt like regular dreams. And even those few dreams werent for a long while afterwards. My grandmother's spirit visited me for about 4 months after she died, at least a few times a week but maybe sometimes more. But, at least i did somewhat get some closure there, and I am thankful that she was able to visit me even after she died, and so did my grandfather that one time and I think even a few years prior to that I went to heaven to visit him and even then I also appeared 5 years old in spirit form.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Oxymoronic Misconceptions, Don't Worry People I'm Here to Correct Them

I know these things because I've been around before what is was is, and my personal connection with God has opened me up to a source of wisdom and enlightenment I can't even begin to explain (LOL, well, I "can", but you get the point), but I see a lot of stupid things being said, but don't worry, because as a Messenger of God, I'm here to correct a lot of the stupidity out there in the world.

There are a lot of people out there who do things semi-similar to how I do things. Referred to as Real Life Superheroes, they're each unique in their own way. Me personally I don't really like to be called that. I'm Tothian, I'm too unique to be classified. So, I kind of get annoyed when I see people speaking for a community of people that aren't really supposed to be spoken for. There will always be something people disagree with. While there's organizations or teams within the community - as a whole, it's not an organization, and it's not a movement - and because of the vast level of diversity you'll see, nobody can represent anyone but themselves - be it for better or for worse.

Just as for better or for worse, I represent nobody but myself. And also for better or for worse, nobody else represents me. No more of that false "guilt by association" line of thinking, not even the "praise by association". Unless you want to accept the fact that "everyone" is all associated in some way, we're all part of the same story of this world.

A term, or title that is varied based on individual perception, and types and levels of involvement that vary due to the individual's motives that are formed due to personal morals, ethics, goals, life experiences, and other reasons and things that have to due with an individual - nobody can speak for "all of them". Nor should anyone who ever reads, sees, hears of, or witnesses such a thing ever be ignorant enough to group together into a classification. That's called an assumption, and you know what people make when they "assume".

Also, the other thing I wanted to bring up was the term being "Inactive" or "Retired" - there's no such fucking thing. You were born, you're alive. We all die some day but even the spirit lives on beyond that. In my mind, body, and spirit, I'm fully aware of my purpose in life, and I have been from as far back in life as I can remember. That's to protect people and fight evil. There's no such thing as "quitting". I don't even think it's even possible to just stop. Nor would I ever want to even if it was possible. This is who I am and that can't be changed. The specific mission, or specific methods can at times change, but the overall mission and who you are as a whole, never changes. If you are truly serious about this, you will find that it's not just something you decide to do one day just because it sounds like it'll be kinda fun, nor that it's the cool new thing to do. No. It's a calling. It's something you know you have to do, and find yourself reacting in situations before your mind even realizes what's going on. That's how you know it's who you are in spirit. Awake or asleep, alive or dead.

And I want ya'll to know right now that I'm not always posting things on the internet all the time, I'm not usually gonna talk about my patrols nor the things I do out there on the streets and in the world, as I do prefer some level of privacy in my life, even though at times I like to communicate with others and either goof around or share my thoughts or network or whatever. Don't EVER assume I've just stopped being me or stopped doing what I do. Like I said, it's not even a case of could it be possible or impossible - it just doesn't even exist in my dictionary. For light will always be light, even when you cannot see it, and the tree that falls in the forest that nobody hears really DOES make a sound.

If you're observant enough and a deep enough thinker, you will have even noticed that I've kinda contradicted myself in a few places in this blog. I say how you can't speak for everyone, but here I'm telling you how here's how it is for you. Well, as I've said before, the way my mind works it's hard to piece together the thoughts in human words, so I do the best I can.

Anyway, if you're wondering about that, allow me to explain. Each person is different, and is meant to be different, and I believe that that is meant to be fully known and understood. But, I still have my own bold opinions on what is and what isn't as well as what is effective and not effective. The ways of thinking that are best able to determine a person's actions, and help them understand their calling in life. That's the best way I can explain it and that's all I have for now. I hope this clears up some things for ya'll.

Beware of How Society Works, Turn the Tides

There is a kind of psychological pattern that society often repeats. It makes people feel powerful. And what I'm referring to is the process of building up, just to break down. Society builds up these large buildings and monuments, because that makes them feel powerful to create them. Then, it makes them feel even more powerful just to take them down. The people constantly idolize people and practically worship them as heroes, just to break them down and villainize them. Beware of that pattern. You see it a lot with celebrities, be it actors or politicians.

But, then there's the opposite of doing that. Think of the military process. They break you down first, both mentally, physically, you find yourself being treated worse than you've ever been treated before, you feel weaker than you've ever felt before and are put through so much strenuous exercises and are constantly exhausted. Over time, you begin to build up, you get stronger, and eventually you pick up rank and are treated with more respect. This process is better, to be broken down first, and THEN built up. Look at Jesus. He was treated like a criminal, he was tortured, beaten, humiliated, crucified on a cross for days, left there to starve and then he died. He did that and then rose from the dead so that we could have everlasting life in the kingdom of heaven, if you believe in him as your Lord & Savior and know that he died to pay your debt for your sins. He's a good example of someone who was broken down in the worst way it could've happened to anyone, just to be built up as like the King of Kings.

My advice to the people of the world - don't build yourselves up nor let others build you up so that you may be set up to be broken down. Instead, allow yourselves to be broken down first. If you're on Step 9 and you want to get to step 10, go back to step 1, then go straight to step 10 from there. You might just see something going down and then going back up again that you didn't see the first time you were walking up those stairs.

Do NOT become the delicious gourmet meal that gets eaten then turned into poop hours later after being released from the body. INSTEAD, think of how diamonds are created and be more like that.

None of this "first impression!" crap. That's a purely emotional response, it's a compulsive thing, detach yourself from that line of thinking immediately and open your mind to the divine wisdom of how things truly are and are meant to be, but are rarely seen for what it is. Make it less about the destination and more about the journey itself all together.

You may find that many things I say can't always be taken at face value. Philosophically speaking there are multiple meanings for a lot of the things I say. And I can't even begin to speak a fraction of what actually goes on in my mind. I can do what I can though. And what I can tell you is that if you open yourself up to God, that he can grant you with the divine wisdom as well.

Monday, April 11, 2011

As I seek to expose evil - yes that's right, Tothian Strikes Back

First of all, there are countless evildoers on the planet. But first I must start with the ones that aren't as obvious to the media. While I myself, when in the media, have always tried to portray the eloquent jerk side of me, I hate it when others out there pretend to be these perfect people that they're not.

While I respect the intentions of some, trying to inspire others to be better people, I personally believe that you can inspire more people to do good in the world when you show them that even people such as yourselves - who aren't perfect - can still do good in the world.

I don't need pretend internet blogging supervillains blogging about what a rude guy I am - I can do that perfectly fine on my own. That's who I am and that's the side of me I prefer to show people first. Fucking dumbasses. Nobody can get disappointed in me if they can understand and appreciate me for even my worst traits first. You're only trying to show them what I already show them myself.

Yes that's right. Just because I'm a Reverend - don't expect me to be a nice guy. All I've ever said all along was never set your own expectations of me - I follow nobody's standards but my own. I became a Reverend because God told me to do it - to give that divine wisdom to people, of things they needed to know. Noah himself used to be a murderer and while I'm NOT one myself, that's just an example of how God does work in mysterious ways of give good people who've done bad things, ways to redeem themselves.

There are a few people I can think of off the top of my head, roaming around the RLSH Community - who I don't like. Seriously. At all. I don't think it would be fair to speak their names here, but the actions I will speak of. Besides, I believe I've made it known to those few people who they are. While they've tried to silence my voice or only speak about me in place where I don't have the chance to speak my mind - AFTER pretending to be nice to me, then talking a world of crap about me behind my back - when I saw right through their false kindness from the beginning. The little fat guys in spandex who believe it's more heroic to stand 50 ft away from a woman getting stabbed to death while you can dress up like a super-hero, but just call 9-11  - y'know, looking out for yourself, legally, while a woman fucking gets stabbed to death. You're not a super-hero you're a piece of shit and everybody knows it. Everyone knows about Genovese Syndrome.

Phoenix Jones exposed these types of losers in recent media as the pathetic worthless unheroic jokes that they are, and I celebrated a huge victory that day. The days of fat guys in spandex getting glorified for settling for being less, while those who strive to be more get put down for being crazy and dangerous - ARE OVER! The people see the truth. It's pretty obvious that people will feel safer when they know that an actual real life superhero is patrolling their neighborhood, and not a two-faced cowardly fat nerd in spandex who looks like a troll under a bridge or a miniature santa clause or a garden gnome who will eat a gallon of ice cream while there's a burning building, but while he's dressed up as a superhero, standing a mile away, he'll call 9-11, and while the real superheroes that are the firefighters in this situation arrive, watch this guy take all the credit, whereas if an ACTUAL Superhero ran inside the burning building to, y'know, actually do something superheroic, like, oh, I don't know, actually save everyone in the building, they'll get condemned as being crazy, stupid, and dangerous.

And I'm fucking tired of that crap already. People who try to hold ACTUAL RLSH's back from great acts of heroism - are villains. And it's even worse when they call themselves heroes. I'm tired of people trying to water down the term of actual superheroism, and then having the fucking nerve to get "offended" when I don't glorify someone as a true superhero for being a fat two-faced nerd in spandex who makes a name and puts on a spandex uniform. Well, pardon me. If everyone was a superhero, nobody would be. You gotta earn it. It doesn't just get handed out like candy on Halloween. I don't care who hates me for my opinion because that's just how it is and if you hate me for my opinion then it's because I didn't bow down to you and view you as a hero when you didn't deserve the title. Guess what. I've most likely been doing this a LOT longer than you and might have a lot more training than you, and I still don't call myself a hero. It's up to the protected to grant their protectors the title of superhero. Even when given, it can never be assumed. And no, just making a name & uniform doesn't grant you the title.

Last year I was on patrol in NYC with a bunch of people, and while I was being so alert as to pay attention to every single thing going on around me, someone who looks like a minuature Santa Clause just kept staring at me like he had a little schoolgirl crush on me. Just then a big ole' truck was coming. Instantly without a single thought or hesitation, I pushed him outta the way. While everyone in the group stared at me like I was some great hero who did something awesome, I got really mad and told everyone to quit fucking staring at me. Just remember that, and unless you were there you won't know who I'm talking about but if you were, then you know who I'm talking about and just remember that.

Events in my life that led me to where I am now

Getting the name TothianMy whole life, the name "Tothian" was in my head. I couldn't say it, I couldn't think directly of it, but I knew it. The best way I could describe it to you was, it's like that song you hear one day, and then later on, you are thinking of it, but can't remember anything about it, but still you remember it, remember hearing it and everything. But for some reason it's like at the tip of your tongue. You could almost say it. That's how it was for me for years of my life, until the name just came to me one day, and I instantly knew that that was it, and saw who I was meant to be.

Why I have a passion for protecting people
Growing up, I had parents who were really good parents, and a father who while was a really good father, also had a very angry violent side to him, but, wasn't entirely his fault. When he grew up, his father was a violent alcoholic. Me growing up, my father who had previously fought in the Vietnam War as a U.S. Marine and to some level had PTSD, was very angry and did hit me and my brother a lot when we were young. And my brother who went through the same stuff I went through, introduced me to the idea of super-heroes at an early age. All that did was create this uncontrollable passion within me for wanting to protect people. When I see someone - anyone - getting attacked, I get flashbacks of my early childhood and without thinking I immediately react without thought or hesitation to protect people. I can be but I'm not always the nicest person in the world - in fact, I can be the meanest person anyone has ever met. But I do mean well. I have to protect people, that's the primary thing I care about doing in life. I don't wan't people to suffer the way I did. I feel like a machine that's automatically made to act as necessary in any given situation.

Why I'm known as a mean person
One of my fears is becoming the very evil I hate most in this world. And that's two-faced people. I can understand and sometimes respect people being rude to me, because it establishes this foundation of truth and honesty, and from there it makes it easier to make peace from there. But, people who are rude and honest, I find it refreshing. I know where their motivations lie and feel like I can trust them more. I hate to say to trust me but one thing you can trust me to do is, if I don't like you or if I have a problem with you, I'll let you know - unless you ignore me or block me from contacting you. Otherwise, one thing I'll never do for anyone no matter how much they mean to me is pretend to like anyone that I don't like. So if I ever say anything nice to anyone, know that it's genuine. If I ever say anything mean to you, take it for what it's worth, which is usually worth it's weight in gold in humor & honesty, a rare trait you won't find often, that might actually help you and teach you a valuable life lesson. I'd rather people hate me before they like me, because I feel like the best way to truly understand and appreciate someone is to see their worst sides first, and accept them for who they are. If not accepted, then oh well. At least you know you're more like to see who your real friends are in the world.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Introduction to my Blog


Welcome to my blog. What to expect from me? I'd like to say expect the unexpected and that's true in many ways,  but I like to post about my philosophies and random thoughts about all kinds of things.

Who I am? I'm Tothian. What goes on in my mind is so complex, and yet at the same time so simple, that few if any people ever actually come close to understanding me, nor the way I am, nor the things I do.

I guess you could say I kind of this wild badboy side about me. I can't help it and I can't deny who I am. Nobody is perfect, but it's better to at least be honest about that instead of trying to pretend to be perfect. That doesn't mean I don't try to do good in my own ways though. But I'm a free spirit. I don't conform to the standards created by others. I know who I am and who I always have been and what I was meant to do. People may choose to look at me from different angles at different times, but I've always been the same person.

I've said this many times in my life, and I know this will sound crazy but I don't care, I have nothing to prove by saying this, nothing to gain, but I have always known from as far back in life as I can remember that God asked me to come to Earth, saying I was needed here in this world, to protect people and fight evil. But it goes much deeper than just that. To help certain people that God helps guide me to them, or them to me, and/or both. To show people my ways of thinking, as even though people might not always agree with me, although a lot of the times they do too, there's always something to be learned from the things I say. But sometimes I just like having fun, and making things fun for others as well. Finding creative ways to make the world fun for yourself and for others is what gives people that passion for living, that extra reason for wanting to wake up in the morning or whenever they wake up, but you get the point.

I'm a Marine. Not in anymore, but you know the saying: Once a Marine, always a Marine. I'm also an ordained Reverend. I consider my religion to be Jedi Christian. I like reading about things like Philosophy, Criminology, Sherlock Holmes, Foreign Languages, Pirates, Presidential History, Politics, Time Travel, Superheroes, Star Wars, Warrior Codes, Tactics, and most importantly, the Holy Bible.

I also love music. All kinds, but mainly I prefer relaxing music like sappy love songs or classical music. I used to play guitar when I was younger, and on and off over the years. Just tunes and stuff. I also like to sing and never got really good at that, but I love practicing it anyway.

Ok, that's all, for now...